non-cohesive thoughts

man there must be something wrong...every day i feel worse...the fatigue and physical pain grows deeper...i can't sleep anymore...i wake up so damn early...today i was trying to sleep and i heard some looney on the street singing "it's the most wonderful time of the year"...clutter and commotion everywhere...yesterday my brother found a card i made for him when he was one month old...it said, "to andrew, congratulations on your christenening [sic] love, [church of al]"...it had a crudely drawn flower on the front and inside a stick figure man smiling with the sun and clouds above...shit, when was i that sunny...occasionally i will draw the sun and i used to put flowers in my hair for the hell of it...but the weight of the sky is pressing...breaking and destroying any positive will...humans collapse, dive into the deep, fall from the tower...and are left truly and mysteriously alone in the wasteland...the silent afternoon, the long trip home, the windows of the city have been broken by the blast...despair...and the sweet songs of old friends are floating on the winds of late spring...maybe the good lord will save us all, or maybe we'll find solace in this existence, or maybe nothing will happen...but i am sure of one thing... the dog sunning itself in the park will roll over, scratch, struggle to its feet, and go look for something to eat...